Monday, November 4, 2013

Celebrating with Sorrow

Yesterday would have been the 39th birthday of my best friend, my soul sister. For the benefit of this 'anonymous' blog I will call her Izzy.
Izzy was my friend for many years, we were very different, but came from similar backgrounds. She saw me being abused, and was abused herself by Griff. She was the only one who truly knew what I was going through, and she stuck by me through it all. She had issues of her own at home, and I supported her through it all as well.
As we got older our lives began to diverge. She had a baby a few days after she turned 15, got involved with a rough crowd and ended up addicted to heroin. It was this drug that took her life just over 3 years ago. This was the point at which my own life fell in a hole. I have struggled so much to accept that she is gone. Not a day goes by that I don't think about her.
And I have regrets. Things I wish I had done or said. But I know I cannot change any of that and for my own benefit I have to accept that she has died. She still lives in my heart and my mind, but I can never again hug her and have some random conversation. And that hurts. A lot.
So yesterday I decided that her birthday deserves to be acknowledged. She deserves to be remembered and not pushed aside because of her passing. I baked a cake and celebrated her birthday with my family.
Izzy might be gone, but she is not forgotten and she never will be.

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