Thursday, December 5, 2013

One day at a time.

I had a really good November. I won NaNoWriMo with a few days to spare, I was fairly creative and felt quite upbeat, even though I was averaging only 3 hours sleep a day.
We are 5 days into December and I spent the best part of two days in bed. Tuesday I wanted to beat peoples heads in with a sledgehammer so figured it was best to stay out of people's way. There wasn't any person in particular, just a general thing. Wednesday I just felt like I couldn't deal with anything. Others were being all stressy around me and it really didn't help. Monday was only slightly better, and I at least made it to choir practice. I didn't make it to the first Xmas singing thing.. that was Wednesday. Sunday I had a beadie thing, which was ok.
Today is Thursday and I have actually been up and relatively active since 8:30am. It is almost 5pm as I type this. I went out and did a bit of shopping with my man, did some cleaning in our room and did some dishes. And I had a shower and got dressed. In terms of December so far, today is what I would call a really good day.
I was hoping I would keep the momentum of October and November going, but it hasn't happened so far. I'm not going to throw the whole month away. I've had a few bad days, and each day is a fresh day.
At the back of my mind is the knowledge that I won't see my therapist until well into the new year and I think that I am feeling almost abandoned. That could suggest I rely a bit too much on my therapist. And that scares me. What if I have to stop seeing him? What if I have to start with a new therapist and go through all the back story again? It may not be healthy to be so attached to a therapist, but he has helped me so much over the last few years. I seriously wonder if I would still be here if it wasn't for him. I could well be in a mental institution otherwise.
Anyway, onwards we go.

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