I had a really good November. I won NaNoWriMo with a few days to spare, I was fairly creative and felt quite upbeat, even though I was averaging only 3 hours sleep a day.
We are 5 days into December and I spent the best part of two days in bed. Tuesday I wanted to beat peoples heads in with a sledgehammer so figured it was best to stay out of people's way. There wasn't any person in particular, just a general thing. Wednesday I just felt like I couldn't deal with anything. Others were being all stressy around me and it really didn't help. Monday was only slightly better, and I at least made it to choir practice. I didn't make it to the first Xmas singing thing.. that was Wednesday. Sunday I had a beadie thing, which was ok.
Today is Thursday and I have actually been up and relatively active since 8:30am. It is almost 5pm as I type this. I went out and did a bit of shopping with my man, did some cleaning in our room and did some dishes. And I had a shower and got dressed. In terms of December so far, today is what I would call a really good day.
I was hoping I would keep the momentum of October and November going, but it hasn't happened so far. I'm not going to throw the whole month away. I've had a few bad days, and each day is a fresh day.
At the back of my mind is the knowledge that I won't see my therapist until well into the new year and I think that I am feeling almost abandoned. That could suggest I rely a bit too much on my therapist. And that scares me. What if I have to stop seeing him? What if I have to start with a new therapist and go through all the back story again? It may not be healthy to be so attached to a therapist, but he has helped me so much over the last few years. I seriously wonder if I would still be here if it wasn't for him. I could well be in a mental institution otherwise.
Anyway, onwards we go.
Thursday, December 5, 2013
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Life, and all that jazz
So I have been a terrible blogger this month, and whilst it isn't entirely true, I will blame NaNoWriMo for my slackness.
I went to see my therapist yesterday and things are looking very positive, even though I have had a really busy month with a lot of emotional stuff going on. I have managed to be the one in control, instead of the depression/anxiety/PTSD being in control. This is huge for me and marks the second month in a row of this being the case. Considering I have been out of control for over 3 years I really cannot state how freaking huge this is.
Onward and upwards.
I went to see my therapist yesterday and things are looking very positive, even though I have had a really busy month with a lot of emotional stuff going on. I have managed to be the one in control, instead of the depression/anxiety/PTSD being in control. This is huge for me and marks the second month in a row of this being the case. Considering I have been out of control for over 3 years I really cannot state how freaking huge this is.
Onward and upwards.
Friday, November 15, 2013
Halfway
We are halfway through November, and that means halfway through NaNoWriMo, which is the main reason I am not really blogging here. I have passed the 30,000 word mark, so I am really pleased with myself.
I have also been really creative this month, which is nice too.
Today hasn't been such a good day though. I'm still in my pjs at 10:30pm and I didn't get out of bed until after the kids got home from school. I'd still be there frankly, if not for my partner. I really didn't want to deal with life today.
I have had a couple of days where I have gotten up early, with the kids, and then wanted to go back to bed but have fought against it, but today bed won the battle.
Anyway, it is only one day. Tomorrow is a new day.
I have also been really creative this month, which is nice too.
Today hasn't been such a good day though. I'm still in my pjs at 10:30pm and I didn't get out of bed until after the kids got home from school. I'd still be there frankly, if not for my partner. I really didn't want to deal with life today.
I have had a couple of days where I have gotten up early, with the kids, and then wanted to go back to bed but have fought against it, but today bed won the battle.
Anyway, it is only one day. Tomorrow is a new day.
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
Dagnabbit!
Oh crap on a stick! I have been so involved with NaNoWriMo that I have completely forgotten to blog here. I have finding it really cathartic this year, my main character is like me, in that she is mentally ill. I am actually ahead of schedule with it, and I am feeling quite buoyant, even though sickness has continued to plague my family.
I need to make more an effort to blog here, because it really has helped me stabilise, given me an outlet when I need to offload. I don't know how many bother to read it, but I have realised that I need this for me. If others find it interesting or useful then cool.
Anyway, back to writing :-D
I need to make more an effort to blog here, because it really has helped me stabilise, given me an outlet when I need to offload. I don't know how many bother to read it, but I have realised that I need this for me. If others find it interesting or useful then cool.
Anyway, back to writing :-D
Thursday, November 7, 2013
Deja Vu
So today I had something confirmed that until I had just heard rumours about. I don't tend to listen to rumours, because it isn't from the horse's mouth. But today the horse confirmed it.
My son has been trying heroin.
And I don't know one troubled person who tried heroin once and never tried again, and again, and again.
But I know lots of people who have tried heroin and not lived to tell the tale.
My son has been trying heroin.
And I don't know one troubled person who tried heroin once and never tried again, and again, and again.
But I know lots of people who have tried heroin and not lived to tell the tale.
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
Vent or Attack
Today's blog post will be about something that everyone does and has had done to them. Venting. Or are you really attacking your ventee? So let's talk about the difference.
Venting: the offloading of thoughts and feelings about a particular event/experience to a voluntary listener.
Attacking: the offloading of thoughts and feelings about a particular event/experience onto a voluntary listener.
There doesn't seem to be a huge difference, but there is. One is going to make you feel better and give the listener a better understanding of you as a person. The other is going to make you feel powerful and make the listener hate you.
Often when you vent it is hugely emotional. And the way you use language will determine how those emotions are seen by others.
The first thing to remember is not to use 'you' phrases, unless you are looking for a fight. As soon as start using 'you' phrases you are making the vent personal to the listener. And since vents are not usually full of positive feelings, the listener is going to feel attacked. So stick to 'I' phrases. Keep it to how it makes you feel, not how the situation or other people make you feel. For example 'I feel sad', not 'You make me feel sad.' or 'I feel like no one understands' not 'you don't understand'. They may not understand but they aren't going to be interested in learning more if you are attacking them.
Secondly, remember that the person listening to you is doing you a favour. They don't have to listen to you offload, unless they are a counsellor and that is their job. And that is not to say that you can attack your counsellor either. If you want to stay on good terms with this person who chooses to let you vent to them, then respect them.
Thirdly, avoid generalisation. Saying something like 'all women are bitches' is not going to do you any favours and if the listener happens to be a woman you just called her a bitch. And this leads to the fourth thing to remember.
Fourthly, be specific. Vague venting about 'something' is just bitching. If you have a real issue you should be able to define it. What exactly is it that makes you feel the way you do? 'People are being mean to me' is a vague statement. Which people? What exactly are they doing that makes you feel they are being mean? Without specifics it is very hard to find solutions to issues.
And lastly, be clear that you are venting. Many people when hearing a person offload their feelings try to find a solution, especially many males. Right from the start make it clear that you are venting and that you aren't looking for solutions or answers, you just need to get it off your chest and clear your head. And be sure to thank the listener for giving you their time.
By doing these things you will find that venting becomes cathartic and really does help you to define your feelings and helps you figure out for yourself where to go from here. It can also help strengthen relationships and lead to a deeper understanding.
Happy Venting
Venting: the offloading of thoughts and feelings about a particular event/experience to a voluntary listener.
Attacking: the offloading of thoughts and feelings about a particular event/experience onto a voluntary listener.
There doesn't seem to be a huge difference, but there is. One is going to make you feel better and give the listener a better understanding of you as a person. The other is going to make you feel powerful and make the listener hate you.
Often when you vent it is hugely emotional. And the way you use language will determine how those emotions are seen by others.
The first thing to remember is not to use 'you' phrases, unless you are looking for a fight. As soon as start using 'you' phrases you are making the vent personal to the listener. And since vents are not usually full of positive feelings, the listener is going to feel attacked. So stick to 'I' phrases. Keep it to how it makes you feel, not how the situation or other people make you feel. For example 'I feel sad', not 'You make me feel sad.' or 'I feel like no one understands' not 'you don't understand'. They may not understand but they aren't going to be interested in learning more if you are attacking them.
Secondly, remember that the person listening to you is doing you a favour. They don't have to listen to you offload, unless they are a counsellor and that is their job. And that is not to say that you can attack your counsellor either. If you want to stay on good terms with this person who chooses to let you vent to them, then respect them.
Thirdly, avoid generalisation. Saying something like 'all women are bitches' is not going to do you any favours and if the listener happens to be a woman you just called her a bitch. And this leads to the fourth thing to remember.
Fourthly, be specific. Vague venting about 'something' is just bitching. If you have a real issue you should be able to define it. What exactly is it that makes you feel the way you do? 'People are being mean to me' is a vague statement. Which people? What exactly are they doing that makes you feel they are being mean? Without specifics it is very hard to find solutions to issues.
And lastly, be clear that you are venting. Many people when hearing a person offload their feelings try to find a solution, especially many males. Right from the start make it clear that you are venting and that you aren't looking for solutions or answers, you just need to get it off your chest and clear your head. And be sure to thank the listener for giving you their time.
By doing these things you will find that venting becomes cathartic and really does help you to define your feelings and helps you figure out for yourself where to go from here. It can also help strengthen relationships and lead to a deeper understanding.
Happy Venting
Monday, November 4, 2013
Celebrating with Sorrow
Yesterday would have been the 39th birthday of my best friend, my soul sister. For the benefit of this 'anonymous' blog I will call her Izzy.
Izzy was my friend for many years, we were very different, but came from similar backgrounds. She saw me being abused, and was abused herself by Griff. She was the only one who truly knew what I was going through, and she stuck by me through it all. She had issues of her own at home, and I supported her through it all as well.
As we got older our lives began to diverge. She had a baby a few days after she turned 15, got involved with a rough crowd and ended up addicted to heroin. It was this drug that took her life just over 3 years ago. This was the point at which my own life fell in a hole. I have struggled so much to accept that she is gone. Not a day goes by that I don't think about her.
And I have regrets. Things I wish I had done or said. But I know I cannot change any of that and for my own benefit I have to accept that she has died. She still lives in my heart and my mind, but I can never again hug her and have some random conversation. And that hurts. A lot.
So yesterday I decided that her birthday deserves to be acknowledged. She deserves to be remembered and not pushed aside because of her passing. I baked a cake and celebrated her birthday with my family.
Izzy might be gone, but she is not forgotten and she never will be.
Izzy was my friend for many years, we were very different, but came from similar backgrounds. She saw me being abused, and was abused herself by Griff. She was the only one who truly knew what I was going through, and she stuck by me through it all. She had issues of her own at home, and I supported her through it all as well.
As we got older our lives began to diverge. She had a baby a few days after she turned 15, got involved with a rough crowd and ended up addicted to heroin. It was this drug that took her life just over 3 years ago. This was the point at which my own life fell in a hole. I have struggled so much to accept that she is gone. Not a day goes by that I don't think about her.
And I have regrets. Things I wish I had done or said. But I know I cannot change any of that and for my own benefit I have to accept that she has died. She still lives in my heart and my mind, but I can never again hug her and have some random conversation. And that hurts. A lot.
So yesterday I decided that her birthday deserves to be acknowledged. She deserves to be remembered and not pushed aside because of her passing. I baked a cake and celebrated her birthday with my family.
Izzy might be gone, but she is not forgotten and she never will be.
Saturday, November 2, 2013
Thursday, October 31, 2013
Oct 31 2013
October draws to a close and November looms. For the second year I am attempting NaNoWriMo or National Novel Writers Month. It is a personal challenge to write a 50,000 word book in 30 days. I completed it last year, and have high hopes to do so again.
Last year I wrote a pretty smutty romance, but this year I'm thinking of trying to write something with a bit more depth. The main thing with NaNo is not to get hung up on rewriting or reworking sections, just let the words flow. To successfully complete it you need to write around 2000 words a day, which doesn't sound like much until you try to do it!
I am hoping that November is on the whole positive, as October was. If I was to take my mood for the last two day as a barometer then it will be a pretty shit month, but I'm not going to do that. I may have spent the best part of the last two days in bed, but that doesn't mean it has to be like that for the whole month.
Part of dealing with mental illness is not letting the bad days colour the good days. You have to accept that you've had a bad day or two, but that that is ok. Tomorrow is a new day. The next hour is a new hour. The next minute is a new minute.
So bring on November.
Last year I wrote a pretty smutty romance, but this year I'm thinking of trying to write something with a bit more depth. The main thing with NaNo is not to get hung up on rewriting or reworking sections, just let the words flow. To successfully complete it you need to write around 2000 words a day, which doesn't sound like much until you try to do it!
I am hoping that November is on the whole positive, as October was. If I was to take my mood for the last two day as a barometer then it will be a pretty shit month, but I'm not going to do that. I may have spent the best part of the last two days in bed, but that doesn't mean it has to be like that for the whole month.
Part of dealing with mental illness is not letting the bad days colour the good days. You have to accept that you've had a bad day or two, but that that is ok. Tomorrow is a new day. The next hour is a new hour. The next minute is a new minute.
So bring on November.
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Monday, October 28, 2013
Oct 28 2013
Today was counselling day. This is like a spring cleaning day. I offload a month or so's worth of accumulated stuff, epiphanies, thoughts, feelings etc. I really think I'm getting a handle on things. It's not great, it's not even close to 'normal' but it's progress and that is the most important thing.
Today I am feeling positive, even if nature has decided to hurl all it's assorted weapons at me in the last three weeks.. flu, gastro and monthlies. Oh it is sooooo much fun! And I want to stay positive today, so there is no deep and meaningful, no spewing forth of 'stuff'. Just a 'hello, I'm here' and a smile.
Today I am feeling positive, even if nature has decided to hurl all it's assorted weapons at me in the last three weeks.. flu, gastro and monthlies. Oh it is sooooo much fun! And I want to stay positive today, so there is no deep and meaningful, no spewing forth of 'stuff'. Just a 'hello, I'm here' and a smile.
Saturday, October 26, 2013
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
Oct 23 2013
Blimey, where the heck did the last three days go? It doesn't feel like 3 days have passed, if you had asked me I would have said I just blogged yesterday. Must be going senile....oh.. wait.... nevermind, it's just my mental illness.
Seriously.
A few years ago I had an almost photographic memory, now I struggle to remember things and have to write things down if I don't want to forget. It is what I find to be one of the more annoying aspects of my illness, and impacts my family a fair bit. They came to rely on me to remember important dates and appointments, and then suddenly I was forgetting even some really basic stuff (like paying bills).
So yeah, I forgot that I hadn't posted. So now I have.
Seriously.
A few years ago I had an almost photographic memory, now I struggle to remember things and have to write things down if I don't want to forget. It is what I find to be one of the more annoying aspects of my illness, and impacts my family a fair bit. They came to rely on me to remember important dates and appointments, and then suddenly I was forgetting even some really basic stuff (like paying bills).
So yeah, I forgot that I hadn't posted. So now I have.
Sunday, October 20, 2013
Oct 20 2013
I was feeling ok, and then Sinead O'Connor's Nothing Compares 2 U started playing on my ipod. It is one of those songs that reminds me so much of my best friend. We used to sing it together. Damn.
Friday, October 18, 2013
Thursday, October 17, 2013
17 Oct 2013
I didn't blog yesterday.
Something happened and there was a rush of relief, then some anger, then more relief, then .. well it has been a bit up and down.
You might remember I said that one of my sons had been accused of a serious crime. Yesterday he was found not guilty on all charges. It has been almost 12 months since he was initially charged. 12 long months of doubt, and fear, and stress and a myriad of other emotions. The problem was that he didn't know if he had committed the crime. He admits to being very intoxicated at the time. And someone else took advantage of this, and used it against him by accusing him of a despicable act against another human being. They have spent the last year continuing on the farce, dragging him through the mud and putting him through hell.
My son is no angel, and you will never hear me say he is, but he didn't deserve this. He has made lots of mistakes and made life choices that I don't agree with, but he didn't deserve this. And even though he was found not guilty he will bear the scars of this for a lifetime, that someone thought so little of him as a human being that they could do this without remorse.
I truly hope he can move past this and have the life that he deserves, one filled with happiness and fulfillment.
Something happened and there was a rush of relief, then some anger, then more relief, then .. well it has been a bit up and down.
You might remember I said that one of my sons had been accused of a serious crime. Yesterday he was found not guilty on all charges. It has been almost 12 months since he was initially charged. 12 long months of doubt, and fear, and stress and a myriad of other emotions. The problem was that he didn't know if he had committed the crime. He admits to being very intoxicated at the time. And someone else took advantage of this, and used it against him by accusing him of a despicable act against another human being. They have spent the last year continuing on the farce, dragging him through the mud and putting him through hell.
My son is no angel, and you will never hear me say he is, but he didn't deserve this. He has made lots of mistakes and made life choices that I don't agree with, but he didn't deserve this. And even though he was found not guilty he will bear the scars of this for a lifetime, that someone thought so little of him as a human being that they could do this without remorse.
I truly hope he can move past this and have the life that he deserves, one filled with happiness and fulfillment.
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
Oct 15 2013
Not going to be blogging much today. Yesterday's blog brought up a lot of stuff and I have spent a lot of today trying to process it and take the next step forward. However I do have one thing to say.
If you know someone with depression or PTSD or any other mental illness and they make a move to socialise, even in the tiniest of ways, be sure to acknowledge them. When you are feeling low and you reach out for human contact (physical or verbal or written) and noone reaches back it makes you feel even more alone, more unhappy and tends to make you feel like it isn't worth reaching out. The more it happens the further back the sufferer drops until it is very hard for them to even make the attempt.
So if someone reaches out to you, grab hold of their hand and walk with them a while, let them know they are important, special, wanted.
If you know someone with depression or PTSD or any other mental illness and they make a move to socialise, even in the tiniest of ways, be sure to acknowledge them. When you are feeling low and you reach out for human contact (physical or verbal or written) and noone reaches back it makes you feel even more alone, more unhappy and tends to make you feel like it isn't worth reaching out. The more it happens the further back the sufferer drops until it is very hard for them to even make the attempt.
So if someone reaches out to you, grab hold of their hand and walk with them a while, let them know they are important, special, wanted.
Monday, October 14, 2013
Oct 14 2013
Bloody hell my ears are giving me the irrits!
Nevertheless, today I soldiered on (without Codral) and did some baking. I also had a shower, got dressed and let the house (under slight protest.. it wasn't in my plans for the day). But when I made my plans I didn't realise I didn't have enough eggs for my proposed baking.
I actually feel relatively good, which is nice, however I am aware of a fairly high level of dissociation.
My son, the one who allegedly committed a very serious crime, has been uncontactable for a bit. I have had two phone calls from his case manager. It would appear that he left the youth shelter he was at and is sleeping rough. It is difficult on many levels. On one level I want to 'save' him, but I know he has to want to be saved. Up until recently he was following along with his major obligations regarding his bail, but in the last week he would appear to have thrown it all out the window. On another level I know I have to step back, he is legally an adult and as far as he is concerned I have no say in his life.
It hurts to be a parent, for a lot of people. The strain and upset that familial issues cause is often a trigger for me, leading me into depressive episodes, anxiety attacks and sometimes full blown meltdowns. So far in the last couple of weeks I have avoided these things, even whilst being ill (which reduces your resistance normally) and I know that it is because I am dissociating from it in order to protect myself.
I don't like dissociating, it took me a long time to break the habit when it first became apparent. At that time I had basically been dissociated almost permanently for more than 10 years. It contributed to my marriage breaking down, and before that to an inability to form good relationships. 9 years ago I first started seeing my current therapist and he was the one who pulled me back, or helped me pull myself back. Learning to manage my emotions was a hard road after not dealing with them for so long. I would make comments like 'how do you people deal with all this emotion, its so hard'. I was virtually robotic for so long it was like learning to be human again.
Learning to deal with emotions again allowed my man and I to rebuild our relationship (there were other issues as well). Not many people get a second chance, but we did.
So for a few years I was almost 'normal', to the point I stopped having therapy and things were going quite well. And then my best friend died. She had been by my side through a lot of my abuse, and was also abused by Griff as well. She was like a sister to me and the pain of her death tore me apart. Then one of my son's friends committed suicide, a former doctor committed suicide too (he was a staunch supporter of mental health issues, yet didn't deal with his own), another friend got murdered and a long time family friend died suddenly. All this happened in the space of about 6 months, as well as some other fairly unpleasant stuff.
I wasn't mentally equipped to deal with such a massive onslaught of trauma and it led to where I am now. The trauma of my childhood became tied to all this new trauma, especially because of my best friend. We had banded together to bring Griff to justice, and after she died I wanted to get justice for her as well as myself. When Griff was 'spared' I was devastated. The trauma he put us through was one of the reasons behind her death. She never learnt to deal with it and she began escaping via drugs and alcohol. At first it was just dope and a bit of ecstasy, but eventually she became addicted to heroin.
She used to joke that I was her only 'straight' friend, and nothing I could say, nor nothing she experienced with friends overdosing was ever quite enough for her to quit completely. She tried lots of times, she was even on the methodone program for a while. But in the end the demons were stronger than she was. I'm not sure she intended to kill herself, but I know at the time of her death she had just suffered a betrayal, and it may well have been the final straw.
I still haven't really come to terms with her being gone, and it has been 3 years. I see her face on my facebook page sometimes, I don't have the heart to remove her. I can think of her and smile now, but I still cry inside.
The fact that drugs took her life makes what my son is doing even harder to endure. He swears he will never touch harder drugs than dope, but I have heard that before. I truly hope he is stronger than his demons. I already have one scar on my heart that will never heal, I do not want another.
Nevertheless, today I soldiered on (without Codral) and did some baking. I also had a shower, got dressed and let the house (under slight protest.. it wasn't in my plans for the day). But when I made my plans I didn't realise I didn't have enough eggs for my proposed baking.
I actually feel relatively good, which is nice, however I am aware of a fairly high level of dissociation.
My son, the one who allegedly committed a very serious crime, has been uncontactable for a bit. I have had two phone calls from his case manager. It would appear that he left the youth shelter he was at and is sleeping rough. It is difficult on many levels. On one level I want to 'save' him, but I know he has to want to be saved. Up until recently he was following along with his major obligations regarding his bail, but in the last week he would appear to have thrown it all out the window. On another level I know I have to step back, he is legally an adult and as far as he is concerned I have no say in his life.
It hurts to be a parent, for a lot of people. The strain and upset that familial issues cause is often a trigger for me, leading me into depressive episodes, anxiety attacks and sometimes full blown meltdowns. So far in the last couple of weeks I have avoided these things, even whilst being ill (which reduces your resistance normally) and I know that it is because I am dissociating from it in order to protect myself.
I don't like dissociating, it took me a long time to break the habit when it first became apparent. At that time I had basically been dissociated almost permanently for more than 10 years. It contributed to my marriage breaking down, and before that to an inability to form good relationships. 9 years ago I first started seeing my current therapist and he was the one who pulled me back, or helped me pull myself back. Learning to manage my emotions was a hard road after not dealing with them for so long. I would make comments like 'how do you people deal with all this emotion, its so hard'. I was virtually robotic for so long it was like learning to be human again.
Learning to deal with emotions again allowed my man and I to rebuild our relationship (there were other issues as well). Not many people get a second chance, but we did.
So for a few years I was almost 'normal', to the point I stopped having therapy and things were going quite well. And then my best friend died. She had been by my side through a lot of my abuse, and was also abused by Griff as well. She was like a sister to me and the pain of her death tore me apart. Then one of my son's friends committed suicide, a former doctor committed suicide too (he was a staunch supporter of mental health issues, yet didn't deal with his own), another friend got murdered and a long time family friend died suddenly. All this happened in the space of about 6 months, as well as some other fairly unpleasant stuff.
I wasn't mentally equipped to deal with such a massive onslaught of trauma and it led to where I am now. The trauma of my childhood became tied to all this new trauma, especially because of my best friend. We had banded together to bring Griff to justice, and after she died I wanted to get justice for her as well as myself. When Griff was 'spared' I was devastated. The trauma he put us through was one of the reasons behind her death. She never learnt to deal with it and she began escaping via drugs and alcohol. At first it was just dope and a bit of ecstasy, but eventually she became addicted to heroin.
She used to joke that I was her only 'straight' friend, and nothing I could say, nor nothing she experienced with friends overdosing was ever quite enough for her to quit completely. She tried lots of times, she was even on the methodone program for a while. But in the end the demons were stronger than she was. I'm not sure she intended to kill herself, but I know at the time of her death she had just suffered a betrayal, and it may well have been the final straw.
I still haven't really come to terms with her being gone, and it has been 3 years. I see her face on my facebook page sometimes, I don't have the heart to remove her. I can think of her and smile now, but I still cry inside.
The fact that drugs took her life makes what my son is doing even harder to endure. He swears he will never touch harder drugs than dope, but I have heard that before. I truly hope he is stronger than his demons. I already have one scar on my heart that will never heal, I do not want another.
Sunday, October 13, 2013
Oct 13 2013
Stick, unstick, stick, unstick, stick.... for pete's sake make up your freaking mind!!!!
Saturday, October 12, 2013
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